turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
