how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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