Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
