At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
third nipple confirmed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
false alarm, still single
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