You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
