when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
