it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
