I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
