I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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