Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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