I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
