remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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