You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
