I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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