Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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