God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't deserve a penis
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
