I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
