maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
