i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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