living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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