I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
