lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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