I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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