I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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