I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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