For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
