good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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