just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
