You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
