When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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