I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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