do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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