My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
