just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
