It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
