Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
