just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Even my vagina gasped.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
