She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I look better un-naked...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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