There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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