I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude i'm inner monologue high
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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