the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
