My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
