Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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