I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
