Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I just sharted jello shots
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
