i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
