I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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