the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
