Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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