I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
