Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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