bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
