We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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