wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
