No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it's like heaven, but drunker
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
