I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
